Hope for Those Who Fear Pregnancy (Pt.2)
Jessalyn Hutto
I’m approximately 10 weeks into my fifth pregnancy. Security should lie around the corner, after all your chances of miscarrying drop significantly after week 12. Unfortunately, I am not only one of the many women who have miscarried during their first trimester, I have alsomiscarried during my second. I have crossed that coveted 12 week marker and painfully walked out of my 17 week Dr.’s appointment having seen a lifeless baby girl on a grainy ultrasound screen whom I would never have the privilege to raise.
For those keeping track, that means I have had one early miscarriage at 8 weeks, two perfectly healthy baby boys, and then a late miscarriage at 17 weeks. That’s two for two. That’s two perfect, bubbling, adorable little boys and two tiny babies who never made it. That’s scary.
It’s scary because we have always dreamt of having a large family (not Duggar large, but large) and the thought of experiencing another, possibly even multiple more miscarriages in the future is torturous. My mind sweeps through the very real memories of physical pain and ends with the vivid, breathless, heart pounding, soul pain that accompanies each loss. Will future babies be lost? Will this one I am carrying now?
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