An Honest Prayer From the Heart of a Woman Struggling on Mother's Day

Tonight I lovingly offer this raw prayer for this who are struggling with Mother’s Day due to miscarriage or infertility….

Heavenly Father,

How is it that the day which seeks to celebrate the one thing I desire above all others is the day I have come to utterly detest?

Oh Father.

You know my innermost thoughts—thoughts that I dare not speak aloud.

You know my deep longings. Longings that continually seek to dig their painful wells within my soul. Wells from which broken dreams and sorrow and resentment seem to unceasingly bubble up.

Lord, where there is sin gushing forth from my innermost being, I beg you to forgive. Where the bitter thoughts, the covetous aches, the ungracious words leak from my soul like toxic waste, cleanse me, Lord. Take the sin that too often accompanies my sorrow and do away with it.

I long to experience sorrow without sin. I long to be able to grieve the emptiness of my womb, the emptiness of our cradle without cursing the Giver of Life, without resenting the blessed life-givers around me. Is it possible Lord? Can my soul groan without growling?

Forgive me Father.

Wash away my sin. Take it far from me. Let me not grieve your Holy Spirit by allowing this filth to dwell in his presence as if it were a friend to be comforted and not an enemy to be vanquished.

Give me a heart that can rejoice with those who rejoice, just as they have sought to grieve with me in my grief.

Give me lips that can praise the vocation that I long to fulfill above all others, even when it is denied me.

Give me hands that I can lift with sincerity as I worship you alongside the sisters whose pews are bursting with glorious crayons and goldfish. Let me praise you—the one who gives and takes away. You, the only one who has the right and the wisdom to do so.

You are good. All that you do is good. You have done good for others. You have done good for me. Let me be content in my good without longing for the good shown to others. Give me faith to trust you. Give me eyes to see your great love poured out for me on Calvary. Bring me back to the cross where you, the best of Fathers, sacrificed your own child, your own beloved Son, for me.

Let me see my sin nailed there. Let me see the blood running down his broken body, down the rugged cross to cleanse me from the toxic waste my sorrow seeks to unearth. Let me see the chains of my resentment and covetousness being broken by your victory over the grave. Let me walk in joyous freedom as you walked forth from the empty, powerless tomb.

Lord I see your love. I know your love. Let me walk in your love.

Even on Mother's Day.

You are worthy.

In Your Precious Son’s Name I Pray,

Amen.